I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
