I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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