So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
