yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
