So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
