The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your penis caused this!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize