tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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