I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
