Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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