I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
