btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
