T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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