Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
