Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am available for nakedness
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
