my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
