You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize