I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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