Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
