I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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