fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
