I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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