why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
