I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize