The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
