My pussy is not your playground.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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