Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
