That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
