Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
