What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
