you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
