that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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