Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
