I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
