I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
