Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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