my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Enjoy the penises
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
