party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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