Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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