Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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