I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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