AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
