he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Someone came in the potted fern
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
