no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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