You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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