i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
