it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
