If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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