If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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