A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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