i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
