if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
