How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
