my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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