Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
