Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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