And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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