if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He uses pillows to masturbate.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
