Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
