glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
