Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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