I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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