Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
