I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
